Yourself and Your Business?

This has been a week of repeated mistakes – each of them has been shown to me – as I have brought the bright shining light of awareness into them – as deeply self-sabotaging.

Sunday I was supposed to speak – speaking is the way that I share my message, speaking is also the way that I attract new people to my list, people who are supposed to be working with me and my Divine Business Partner in some way to transform their lives. Speaking is the oil for the engine that runs this company. Sunday night I had a speaking gig – on a radio show – hosted by a coach who has lots of listeners who are entrepreneurs – people I am here to serve otherwise I would not have been attracted to reach out to be a guest on his show. For the first time EVER in my life – I didn’t show up – I completely missed this engagement – it wasn’t like I was sick or something and couldn’t do it – I just totally forgot. I’m not going to make any excuses – it’s my job as an entrepreneur – as a speaker – as a guest who is scheduled and has been promoted – to show up! That was the start of the week.

Two days later – I undersold myself – I’m in a coaching mastermind with Kevin Nations – the Big Ticket Blueprint Mentor. I’ve heavily invested in this program – I have a GREAT coach – a coach who knows what the heck he’s talking about it because he’s living it every single day – a coach who knows and shares with abandon – exactly how to create a business model that not only values the transformation that I provide appropriately but also values my own desires to live a certain lifestyle – a lifestyle that allows me to be at football games for my son, a lifestyle that lets me choose when, where and how I’m going to work. What I did on that call when I was talking to the client was I judged, I assumed, and I robbed – that’s right – I robbed that person of the opportunity to receive the BEST work that I and my partner have to offer. I robbed myself and my partner and my business of the opportunity to receive fully and completely the value of our work. I robbed myself of the wisdom that my mentor has supplied me with time and time again. I robbed my business of my single minded focus.

Then on Wednesday I really blew it – in the biggest most heinous way possible. In my work – ESPECIALLY in my private work – the creation of a relationship of safety, trust and sacredness is THE NUMBER ONE most important aspect of the work. Creating Sacred Space for someone to dive into the depths of their being – to bring to the surface all the wounds, all the fears, all the doubts, all the traumas, all the dramas that are blocking them from moving forward fearlessly and courageously in the delivery of their most precious gifts to the world is what I do! It’s because of the high level of integrity and impeccability that I intend to create and hold that people are willing to invest in themselves through me. The creation of a reputation as one who is impeccable with my word and deeply honoring of the process of my clients is what my business has been built upon. People know their “stuff” is safe with me. I have a SOUL LEVEL agreement to keep private stuff private unless I’ve been given permission to share. What did I do on Wednesday? I told a private client story – on the phone – on a live call – and I did NOT have permission. Professional Suicide. And of course – wouldn’t you know – the client was actually on the call – listening. 2.35 minutes of total idiocy, lack of consciousness and disrespect for the sacred agreement – betrayal of trust. Uck!

Yesterday I spent the day sitting in my stupidity – self flagellating and running a constant stream of conversation in my head that repeatedly reminded me of my total inadequacy as a human being, a teacher, a healer and a leader. I also experienced a deep desire to run and hide – to give it all up – to say to hell with it – let someone else play this role – I’m finished. I tried to shift the burden – to pretend innocence – like “I was just following this system” and deep inside I knew THAT WAS A CROCK. This was followed by the refrain of a favorite oldie as the “I can’t do anything right” song played loudly in my head. Followed by “Whatta my gonna do NOW?” Followed by a wide array of ways I could throw myself on my sword and cut out my heart to give it to my private client in order to somehow make amends.

Finally I stopped. Took a deep breath. Looked around at the carnage and said to myself – ok – what was that REALLY all about. Know what – I think it means I need to let go. To let go of the need to always be perfect. To let go of my own judgments about others and myself. To let go of the need to control everything, do everything, be everything. To let myself be – to stop picking the scab of low self worth and let it heal. It’s time. To breathe again – to take personal responsibility and to look for help in transmuting all this within my own system – the SCORE for your Spiritually Energized Entrepreneurial Success System which my Divine Business Partner Mikael Sami-Kumara and I deliver in our CORE PATH – The Foundations of Divine Wealth Intensive!

I’m going to SCORE myself and my business – Surfacing (did a pretty good job of that this week) Clearing – That’s the next step for me now – Opening (I wonder what will happen when my client and I have an open conversation about this) – Revealing – What are the hidden gifts – what do they mean for my business – what is all this showing to me? and finally ENERGIZING – because let’s face it life goes on. We can either be in it – the messy as well as the beautiful or we can check out – it’s going to keep on going and going and going like the Energizer Bunny – remember him?

How many ways can YOU Hurt? Comments are welcome – I want to hear your stories – I’m working on collecting stories of Evolving Entrepreneurs who have seen and experienced the Shadow Side of Success – and I’ll be reaching out for those tales of fails! You can choose to be public or anonymous (I’ve learned this lesson to Be MUCH MORE MINDFUL with the sacred trust!). Send me email with your story – we may be making a book! (amethyst@theeenergyjourney.com) Going to go do some self care now – to make amends for the wounds I’ve inflicted on self and others. I invite you to do the same.